The Original "Extra Extra!!! Strangers' Past Revealed!!!"

Extra! Extra! Stranger’s past revealed!!!
By Bill Bradley

Stranger. The man with a past similar to his name. Strange… er… yeah: Stranger
Stranger, believe it or not, was on of the very first humans to ever be there (Don’t ask where ‘there’ is. I have been lead that it’s next to that spot in the wild blue yonder.). Everything was just goin’ along fine until pop, about four or five people just showed up. So, Stranger being the awesome cave-Stranger he is, went up to a cave-hottie and started to flirt. Unfortunately, the cave-hottie had a cave-boyfriend. The cave-boyfriend didn’t like cave-Stranger hitting on his cave-girlfriend, so he hit cave-Stranger with a giant cave-rock. So cave-Stranger died.
“God damn it you little cave-Stranger! You’re important to the story line. Just to make sure that you really don’t fuck up, no matter what, every time you die, you’re gonna become a couch.” Yelled God into cave-Strangers teenie-weenie little brain. And so Stranger became a stone Couch.
The cave-dude and cave-hottie eventually needed a place to sit, and they chose cave-Couch to sit on. Somehow, cave-Couch had cave-sex with the cave-hottie. The cave-dude found out somehow and managed to break poor cave-Couch into a hundred little pieces. So, cave-Couch died and came back as cave-Stranger. In a surprise attack, cave-Stranger killed cave-dude with a cheap cave-shot and a cave-rock to his cave-head.
Time progressed, and so Stranger became a Ninja. As a pickup line/act, Ninja-Stranger would use his Ninja magic and run up a wall, jump down to the floor, break his neck, die, and become one of those awesome little mat thingies that Ninja’s sit on. Boy did he get the ladies.
So, to connect Stranger/Couch with the group, Stranger was an esteemed business executive of a big, rich, and important company. He hadn’t turned into Couch for a really long time, either. So there he sat, drinking at a bar he didn’t come to that often (Generally he went to the really nice place a little bit further down the road. You know, the one with those hot chicks in the little cages? Man, what I’d give to be in there for about 20 minutes with one of those lovely ladies. Oh! Sorry about that.). A.H., Jim, and BillyBob soon came to celebrate nothing at all. Hell, they came to drink.
The night went on, and in a drunken stupor, A.H. put his arm around Stranger. So, Stranger died a really, really hot and very painful death, but soon became Couch. Then Couch let the group stay at his place. And so they’ve stayed there ever since. Oh, and they’re all friends, too, you know.
So until this day…well, more than likely yesterday, seeing how BillyBob might die in the hospital at any given time now… well, until this day, the majority of them remain friends.